10th
Burlesque Mayor of New York City Wants to be Actual Mayor of New York City
I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times—hell, I’ve even made a film that proves this a bazillion (with a B) times: New York City elections are always colorful and exciting! (It’s a wonder more people don’t vote given all the fun there is to be had!)
In case you haven’t heard yet, Burlesque Mayor of New York City, Jonny Porkpie, is also running for, as he likes to call it, “actual mayor” of New York City. And now that his biggest opponent when it comes to a “flesh-based” platform, the Naked Cowboy, is out of the race, he has been stepping up his game.
Shortly after the Cowboy made his concession speech Friday, citing bureaucratic difficulties, the Burlesque Mayor issued this statement, quoted on his website:
“Truly, I am sorry to see him go. Sure, we had our disagreements, both in policy and about the definition of the word ‘Naked’, but I had some really good lines about him that I can’t use any more.
“The problem, as I see it, is that the Cowboy didn’t take his stunt candidacy seriously enough. I’d like to assure the voters that I—Jonny Porkpie—take my stunt candidacy very seriously, and will take my stunt administration even more seriously.”
“Perhaps the mayoral race is better off without him. I mean, let’s face it, this is a man who sued a blue M&M for wearing his outfit, then lost a People.com ‘Who’s Sexier’ poll to that same M&M. I think the same is true of Bloomberg, by the way”.
One of his supporters, a burlesque performer by the name of Little Brooklyn, texted the Burlesque mayor upon hearing of the Naked Cowboy’s concession, saying: “The Cowboy dropped out! I know the only thing Porkpie will drop is his pants - you have my vote.”
Mr. Porkpie will host a rally on the eve of the Democratic Primary, on September 14th, at “Public Assembly” in Williamsburg, where he “will make a last-ditch effort to seduce the voters of NYC using any and every means necessary. Porkpie will issue his position statements in the form of live burlesque numbers, performed by top stars of NYC striptease including Dirty Martini, GiGi La Femme, Julie Atlas Muz, Veronica Varlow, and a special cameo by Nasty Canasta.”
